Direct from the frozen environs of NYC, your eagerly awaited Weekly Observations:
1. Two sons of Eagles coach Andy Reid were arrested last week on various charges. The good news is that the Bengals think they are ready for the NFL now.
2. John Kerry announced he is going to look into the MLB Extra Innings deal with Direct TV. He was very upset the Red Sox fans would not be able to watch their favorite team. Within hours, the Swift Boat Veterans for Satellite Truth put out an ad stating the Kerry is actually a Yankee fan.
3. Brett Favre is coming back next year. Opposing cornerbacks in the NFC are rejoicing, knowing the interception stats will be padded once again.
4. San Franicisco Mayor Newsome apologized for sleeping with the wife of his chief of staff, blaming it on the booze. Ah, the old beer goggles defense. It's good to know that works beyond college.
5. Wait a second, the mayor of SF is straight? Did the voters know this?
6. The NFL Network apparently replayed all of the past Super Bowls last week, including SB III. Thanks to douche Jim Dolan, no one in NY with cable was able to see it. Thanks again Jim. Hey, do you have another "Metro Traffic & Weather Channel" for us?
7. Loved the Budweiser commercial during the Super Bowl with crabs on a beach taking the cooler of Bud. Yep, drink enough Bud, and you could get crabs on the beach. Just like on Spring Break.
8. As if we needed more proof of how big a douche Bill Belichick is, retired Patriots linebacker Ted Johnson said this week that he was forced to play despite suffering a concussion. Belichick said in response "How the hell would he remember what happened, he had a concussion".
9. A-Rod has written a book "Out of the Ballpark" for kids. Yankee fans were estatic, as they felt it was an announcement that he was leaving the team.
10. The A-Rod book tells the story of a young boy who makes an error costing his team the game, but then helps them win later on with a big hit. So, its part non-fiction, and part fiction.
11. The target audience for the A-Rod book is young kids, reading at a grammar school level. Too bad, it will go over the head of most Yankee fans.
12. Rumors abound that Bill Parcells will return to the Jets in a consulting role. Of course, he could return, only to leave a few days later.
13. This just in, Rex Grossman still sucks.
14. Astronaut Lisa Nowak was charged with attempted murder after driving 900 miles, wearing a diaper to avoid having to make pit stops, and attacking her rival for the affections of another astronaut. Somehow, I don't think Huggies or Pampers is signing her up as a spokesperson.
15. Nanny Govt alert - a State Senator from Brooklyn is proposing a ban on walking while listening to an iPOD, talking on a phone, or using a Blackberry, claiming that the devices distract walkers. Wow, I'm so glad that this important issue is being discussed. I mean, who waste time on silly things like health care, taxes and crime.
16. Mark (El Capitan) Messier announced that he is moving back to NY, with an eye on becoming the next Rangers General Manager. Current GM Glen Sather said he is happy to hear Mark is interested. Just what the Rangers need, the leadership of Messier in the front office. You know, because it worked so well when he was de-facto GM his last time as a member of the team.
17. Of course, Ranger fans are happy Messier would be GM. The same fans who laughed at the Isles for naming a former player with no front office experience GM.
18. Nicole Ritchie is afraid that she will have to go to prison due to her recent DUI arrest. She's worried she would actually have to eat.
19. Another Bengal was arrested last week. Nice to see consistency in the NFL.
20. In order to ensure parity in the NFL next year, all teams will be required to have at least 2 players arrested during the season.
21. In recent weeks, the Knicks have faced superior teams not able to field their best lineups, allowing the Knicks to win. The Lakers missing Kobe at MSG due to a suspension. The Grizzlies missing Gasol. The Heat with Shaq.
22. Mike Piazza's wife gave birth to the couple's first child last week, a baby girl. Congrats to the happy couple.
Pitchers and Catchers draws ever closer. Ed is very happy about this.
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9 comments:
Excellent, Ed. This may be the best yet. Some thoughts:
Ah, the old beer goggles defense. It's good to know that works beyond college . . .Wait a second, the mayor of SF is straight? Did the voters know this
Back to back aces. Nicely done.
Yep, drink enough Bud, and you could get crabs on the beach. Just like on Spring Break.
And following the required element -- the Dig Against Dolan -- back with one more! Zing.
Nanny Govt alert - a State Senator from Brooklyn is proposing a ban on walking while listening to an iPOD, talking on a phone, or using a Blackberry, claiming that the devices distract walkers.
Can I get a What The Fuck?
Ranger fans are happy Messier would be GM. The same fans who laughed at the Isles for naming a former player with no front office experience GM
Yeah, 'cause Mark Messier & Garth Snow have a lot in common. Like . . . uhhhh, they both played hockey. And breathe oxygen. And . . . and . . .
But a few disimilarities. Such as "everything" except playing hockey & breathing oxygen.
Mike Piazza's wife gave birth
Well, I guess that kid proves Mike Piazza's not gay afterall. Just like The Good Rev Ted Haggart, who is "completely heterosexual" after just THREE weeks of counseling.
Think what three weeks could do for Sir Elton. Or Jeff Garcia.
Mike - tell me, what in Messier's past makes him able to become a GM with no training?
The funny thing is, rabid Ranger fans will think this is a great idea, becuase he is Messier, who brought the Cup to MSG. COmpletely forgetting the fact that the last time around he forced out players, and a coach, and in Vancouver, fucked over the Captain there, and got the coach fired (Renney).
The common thread with Messier and Snow is that neither had any formal GM training. People went nuts over Snow getting the job. I want to see someone (beside Larry Brooks, who shocked the shit out of me this AM by saying basically what I am saying) write that this is a collosal mistake.
And I totally forgot about Rev Ted. I read that quickly this AM over someone's shoulder on the train. Praise Jesus, he is cured!
Until the next time he is offered some penis and meth.
Until the next time he is offered some penis and meth.
Eddie, you're en fuego today.
Just trying to keep the readers happy.
LOL at 9 through 11.
Ed
This was all hilarious....sad, true and hilarious.
What no mention of the missing billion dollars sent to Iraq? How the hell does anyone lose one billion dollars....oh wait! I just remembered who's in charge. Never mind!
Baseball can't come soon enough!
Your friend,
Sheadenizen
Thanks Shea.
You know, I had a line about the missing billion, but I forgot where I put it ;)
Ed, made me laugh! Keep up the good work!
Very funny stuff! Nice crabs line.
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