Weekly Observations 12/20/06

Lot's of goodies for this weeks edition.

1. Peter King at CNNSI asks if John Abraham is made of paper mache. In return, I have to ask this question of Peter, have you missed his entire career and only paid attention to this year?

2. A member of the Texas legislature is pushing for a bill that would legalize hunting for the blind. This would allow Dick Cheney to continue to visit.

3. Carmelo Anthony, during the brawl against the Knicks on Saturday, threw a punch at Mardy Collins, then ran like hell. Apparently, snitching isn't OK, but running away screaming like a girl is acceptable in the old neighborhood.

4. Isiah Thomas got off without a suspension, despite taped evidence showing him warning 'Melo to not go to the paint. None of the players would say he ordered the code red. Apparently, they all had gotten copies of 'Melo's "No Snitching" DVD.

5. Terrell Owens spit on DAngelo Hall the other night. After the game, he admitted to it on tape, then claimed to not remember. Wow, I haven't seen backtracking that bad since 'Melo.

6. Maddona has banned pheasant hunting on her estate in England. Apparently, she heard Cheney wanted to stop by for a visit.

7. A NJ Catholic School closed its doors early for Christmas Break (wait, am I allowed to call it Christmas break?) after several members of the wrestling team came down with Herpes Simplex 1. Now, for those who do not know the difference, Herpes Simplex 2 is only passed along through sexual contact. Simplex 1 is only passed around by rolling around half naked with someone else who has it. I'm sorry, what the hell is the difference between them again?

8. Over 300 people became ill after eating at an Olive Garden restaurant in Indianapolis last week. A Department of Health Spokesperson said "We are trying to isolate the cause of the illness". I've got it, how about the fact that you ate at Olive Garden?

9. Chad Pennington, Laveranues Coles, Chad Pennington, Ben Graham and Eric Mangini taped an episode of Elmo's World last week. For the first time, Chad wasn't the only one with a rag arm in the room.

10. Darryl Strawberry has weighed in on the Jeter-ARod situation. Straw thinks that Jeter needs to welcome ARod into the Yankee family. Make him feel like part of the team. Hey, Keith and the guys did it with Straw, and look how well that worked out for him.

11. Back to the Texas hunting license for the blind. The added benefit is that it would allow David Carr to keep his job.

12. Allen Iverson was finally traded yesterday, to the Nuggets. Yeah, I see this ending well, two ball hogs in the same lineup. That'll work out great.

13. Sad news from Sesame Street. Apparently, after the taping of the segment, Eric Mangini needed a snack, and roasted Big Bird.

14. Our long national nightmare is over. After a week of speculation that she would lose her crown, Miss USA Tara Connor, is being allowed to keep her crown by pageant owner Donald Trump. Of course, former Apprentice "stars" are using this as a chance to extend their 15 minutes of fame by claiming they should have gotten second chances. Um, right now, you are. A second chance to remind America that you are all fucking idiots.

15. Honestly, I did not even know there was a Miss USA, or a Miss Teen USA. Donald bought all the pageants, I guess so he has bullpen depth for when it comes time to trade in Melinia, who is Wife #3.

16. So, last night we had a rematch at MSG between the Islanders and the Rangers. Last time, the Isles jumped out to an early 4-0 lead after 1 period, causing Rangers goalie Henrik Lundqvist to pull himself from the game. Last night, the prospect of facing the Isles again caused him to pull himself before the game even started. The Isles won 4-3.

17. President Bush has finally admitted that the US is not winning the war in Iraq, something most of the country has known for sometime. Dick Cheney is furious that someone showed Bush how to turn on the news on a station other than Fox.

End Observations

Omar and the Gang (Celebrate good times, c'mon, let's celebrate. Ugh, now that song is in my head) are still in California, meeting with Boras and Zito. Some rumors say that a deal could be announced this week. Others say it will take until next week. I just want this to be over already, one way or the other. I want Zito, as I've stated before, but I just want this done.

I'll be taking the next few days off, preparing the house for Santa's visit. Be back on Tuesday.

Merry Christmas.