Weekly Observations 12/13/06

Sorry I'm a little late, still getting over the shock that the Mets did not tender Victor Zambrano.

1. Gil Meche signed a 5 year $55 million contract with the Royals. This begs the question, if you suck, but nobody sees you, will anyone know that you suck?

2. Isiah Thomas said last week that Knicks fans cannot understand the game the same way he does. Well, he's right of course, Knicks fans know when they see an awful team. The same cannot be said of Zeke.

3. More Zeke, owner Jim Dolan gave him a vote of confidence yesterday, stating that Isiah would be the coach for the rest of the season. This is good news for Knicks fans, as they do not have to worry about conflicts between games and other plans, they can continue to skip the games.

4. Vince Young led the Titans to a win over the Houston Texans the other day, sticking a dagger in the heart of the team that could have drafted him #1 overall. Texans ownership said "well, even Duante Culpepper, in a wheelchair, could have scored on that play. I mean, jeez, do you realize how much we suck?"

5. Nicole Ritchie was booked on a DUI charge the other night. And they say 1 drink never makes you drunk. Well, it won't so long as you weigh more than 55 pounds.

6. The Texas Rangers signed former Dodgers closer Eric Gange to a 1 year $6 million contract. Wow. Does Hicks realize Gagne has pitched in 20 games over the past two seasons? And did he not learn from the last time he signed a pitcher away form the Dodgers (Chan Ho Park)?

7. Rumors are rampant that Britneyt Spears and Paris Hilton are "friends with benefits". My question is, who exactly benefits?

8. Evel Knielvel is suing Kanye West, claiming Kanye's video for Reach the Cky used his likeness without his permission. Of course, I had to ask myself, who remembers Evel Knievel?

9. Allen Iverson has requested a trade from the 76'ers. Isiah Thomas is rumored to be interested, since we all know that the one thing the Knicks lack is an undersized point guard who is not a passer.

10. A recent study showed that bicycle riding, long known to affect male genetalia in a negative way, can actually have the same impact on women. They also found that the use of the new male seat with the hole in the middle would not be of benefit to women. Well, duh, why would a hole help with......

11. They even came up with a catchy name for the female condition, Huffy Muff.

12. Officials in the UK want to use forced contraception on grey squirrels, which are not indeigenous to the UK, because they are overtaking the local red squirrel. In related news, officials in the US hope to do the same to Hilton, Ritchie, Spears and Lohan. (Wow, that sounds like a bad lawfirm).

13. I was gonna make a joke about time running out for the owner of the Chiefs and the fact that his head coach is Herm Edwards, but even I have limits.

14. I hadn't been as shocked when reading the Mets did not tender Victor Z since I read the Yanks wanted to resign Andy Pettitte.

15. Speaking of Pettitte, he has a WHIP last year of 1.44, in that bastion of offense that is the NL Central. Wow. I'm thinking of starting a pool to see if he breaks 1.7 this year. And I mean on the low side. Enjoy facing the Sox and Jays 19 times each Andy. Hopefully his whiplash coverage is all paid up.

16. I keep seeing these commercials for "Rocky Balboa". I have to ask, the last movie had Rocky suffering the effects of too many blows to the head. I wonder if this is the case in real life, why else would Sly think anyone would want to see this movie?

17. Let's get this straight. Scott Boras is annoyed over the pace of negotiations with the Red Sox for D-Mat, yet he still had the time to get JD Drew signed in Boston, Gagne in Texas, have dinner with Brian Cashman, and have Barry Zito meet with Tom Hicks?

18. It looks like the long nightmare is over (no, I'm not talking about Zambrano again), D-Mat appears to have come to an agreement with the Sox. Such a relief. I wonder if Steinbrenner has his little voodoo doll yet.