Weekly Observations 3/28/07

1. Billy Wagner has had quite a spring full of quotes. First, he said the Phillies are the best team in the East, but that the Philly fans will hold them back. Then, opining on the return of Mota from a steroid suspension he said that everyone cheats. I'm guessing Billy doesn't cheat, since if he did, he might not have blown all those games last year.

2. Oh, and Billy, little less talking, little more consistent pitching, OK?

3. Let's see, all the experts were worried about the Mets rotation, given the old age of some, and the youth of others. In the Bronx, the experts were giddy about Pettite being back (though he didn't exactly dominate the "weaker" NL), Wang rounding into form, the arrival of Kei Igawa. So far, The Mets have had El Duque miss a couple of days. The Yanks have had Pettite out for a week, and have now lost Wang for a month. Yet, the "experts" think the Mets win 84 games, while the Yanks will win 100. How's that work?

4. Katie Couric took a lot of heat for her questioning of the Edwards' on 60 Minutes over the decision by John to continue running for the White House despite the illness. Many have said Katie was too hard on them. I wonder if a man had asked the same questions if the same points would have been made?

5. Oh, in case you were wondering, yes, the Mets did age another week since last week. Experts now predict that they will finish last in the NL East as a result.

6. The Jets signed Andre Wadsworth, who last played in the NFL in 2001. I saw Uneccesary Roughness, bringing an old guy back only works in the movies.

7. Peyton Manning apparently acquitted himself quite well on SNL the other night, some saying he did better than any other sports star before him. I'm sorry, but nothing tops Joe Montana's "I'm going upstairs to masturbate" skit.

8. Peyton's only problem was he kept trying to change the skits with audibles during rehearsals, but SNL brought in Bill Belichick to confuse him.

9. PacMan Jones will be coming to NY to meet with NFL Commissioner Goodell. As a result, all strip clubs in NY will be closed for 3 days.

10. Martha Stewart is trying to trademark the name "Katonah" which is the name of a rich town in Westchester, for a line of furniture. Katonah inhabitants are against this, since they do not want to be linked to K-Mart.

11. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are planning to get matching nose jobs. Tell me why I should care about this.

12. Britney is apparently done with rehab. I'm trying to figure out, have more guys been in and out of her than she has been in and out of rehab?

13. Snoop Dogg has been banned from Britain, causing the cancellation of a tour featuring him and Diddy. I'm just trying to figure out, why the hell is SNoop touring with Diddy?

14. A report out this week states that pregnant women who eat a lot of beef may cause their sons to have lower sperm counts later in life. I'm left thinking, who signs up for this study?

15. A zoo in Thailand is trying to get a panda that won't mate interested in the act by showing it porn. The panda is said to have taken one look at "Deep Throat" and said "how the hell is that going to get her pregnant"?

16. The Soprano's wanted to film in NJ, but a local town was against it, since they felt the show put Italians in a bad light. Yeah, a TV show makes people think italians are mobsters. I can think of another series of shows that does the same thing. The News.

17. This just in, in an attempt to upstage the Jets signing of Wadsworth, the Patriots have signed Blair Thomas.

18. The NHL and NBC have extended their contract to air weekly games for a month and games 3-7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. All 3 fans who actually watch the NHL on NBC are thrilled.

19. A 7 ft 9" man in China has married a 5 Foot 6" woman. Too many jokes to list here.

20. The mother of a missing Wycoff NJ (a rich area) teenager thinks the boyfriend, from Patterson (a not so nice area) is involved in her running away from home. She opined "He does not belong in Wycoff". Strangely, she was not wearing a sheet over her head at the time.

21. The U.N. is urging adult men be circumsised as a way to combat HIV. Yeah, that'll work. You can't get guys to wear a condom, you really think they are going to let a doctor use a knife on their penis?