1. So, despite all the claims in the media last week that something must be amiss, Pedro Martinez returned from his home in the DR and threw a simulated game. Since he had not returned after 10 days, the press thought he must be injured and ran with it. I'm not gonna hold my breath waiting for any of them to say "Oops, I guess I was wrong."
2. Michael Vick is under indictment for various charges related to dog-fighting. If found guilty, I say they lock him up with a few of the dogs he didn't slam to the ground until they died. Maybe strap his ass into the rape chair too, just for shits and giggles.
3. The Islanders resigned Chris Simon, who still has 5 games left on his 25 game suspension for trying to take the head off of Ryan Hollweg. Yeah, he's a good guy to have on the team.
4. The Isles also announced that Al Arbour will coach for 1 game on November 3, bringing his total games coached to 1,500. I have nothing snarky to say here.
5. Michael Chertoff, head of Homeland Security, said recently he has a "gut feeling" Al Queda may attack the US this summer. Michael, the only "gut" I want to hear from is that of Willie Randolph, OK? Take some Zantac and your gut will feel better. If you are that concerned, well, PROTECT THIS COUNTRY!
6. The Mets called up Anderson Hernandez following the injury to Jose Valentin. Seems the Mets felt, after the release of Julio Franco, they were missing a guy who could barely hit 190.
7. Someone explain to me why it wwas bad for Lastings Milledge to hi-5 fans after a game tying home run (off of Armando Benitez no less), but when Shelly Duncan hits a home run in a game the Yankees are leading by a tounchdown, it is OK for him to give a curtain call? Oh, that's right, Duncan is a Yankee, and they are all class all the time. That and of course he isn't "gangsta".
8. Barry Bonds is now 3 away from breaking Hank Aaron's record. Of course, even if he doesn't break it, Barry will hold the all time record for "Most Home Runs hit by a guy using the Cream and the Clear". So he's got that going for him.
9. Roger Clemens won his 351st game last night, beating the Royals. I'm sorry, do the Royals still count as a Major League team?
10. Drew Carey is set to replace Bob Barker as host of "The Price is Right". Apparently, after Rosie turned them down, they went with the next available out of work "comedian".
11. Alexi Yashin has decided to return to Russia to play hockey after no NHL team met his asking price. I'm thinking Carol Alt ain't gonna be happy about spending winters in Minsk.
12. David Beckham has joined the Los Angeles Galaxy of the MLS. And that is about how much time I spend caring about Soccer.
13. The last Harry Potter book was released and sold quite well. I just couldn't get over the fact that Voldermort was exposed as the man behind the Yankees all this time.
14. Gary Sheffield, still a nimrod.
15. A spokesman for the German Protestant Church has called Tom Cruise the "Goebbels of Scientology". Well, I guess a German would know all about that eh? Here's a tip, when Cruise oversees the attempted extermination of a race of peoples, then you can bleat. Until then, STFU.
16. Sergio Garcia chokes like Armando Benitez facing the Braves. And those pants, for the love of Pete, get this guy on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" quick.
17. Former NBA referee Tim Donaghy is under suspicion for betting on NBA games, including games in which he was working. Reached for comment, Pete Rose said "I'll give you 10-1 that he goes away for 5 years."
18. Certain fat over-rated pompous asses (AKA, Mike Francessa) are saying the NBA issue is worse than the Vick issue. Yeah, I can see how betting on games where nobody faced any physical harm can be worse than a man who had dogs fight each other to the death, had dogs killed who didn't measure up to standards, and owned a dog "rape chair". Sure, they are very equal.
19. Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend has dumped her since she is too "boring" now that she is out of re-hab. What, does the booze monitoring ankle bracelt she has taken to wearing interfere with fun in the bedroom?
20. Starbucks is raising prices by 9 cents. So, already overpriced awful coffee becomes more expensive.
21. Another year, another Tour de France leader being accused of doping.
22. So the Yanks have won a few games of late, beating the Tampa Rays and the Royals. Let me know when they beat a good team, OK?
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4 comments:
Ed, good stuff, as per usual. Few things.
~ Al Arbour can kiss my ass.
~ I know about the Michael Vick story but I cannot read anything about it. I will go all PETA, if you k-w-i-m.
~ And I don't care what people think of him, I love Gary Sheffield. Don't want him on my team, but I love that he just doesn't care WHAT people think of him. Gotta give him props for that
~ I think Drew Carey is gonna suck as PIR host. Just my thought.
~ Finally, all class all the time. Ed, you the man!
Coop - Never besmirch the good name of Al Arbour. It's not his fault that the Rangers were/are a bunch of crappy hockey players.
I'm with you on Vick.
Excellent, Ed. Good to have you back, ranting at the world!
The Drew Carey move surprised me as well.
The Islanders resigned Chris Simon
That surprised me. I guess the Isles are sending a message. I don't know if that message is, "We like thugs," or "We're so desperate for players that we'll sign thugs."
The Isles also announced that Al Arbour will coach for 1 game on November 3, bringing his total games coached to 1,500.
A classy move if you ask me.
Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend has dumped her since she is too "boring" now that she is out of re-hab.
Maybe that's why she's going back in.
What, does the booze monitoring ankle bracelt she has taken to wearing interfere with fun in the bedroom?
Maybe she'll only let him get his freak on if she's blotto.
And in other news, bet you can't wait to see the results of arbitration between your "pal" Sean Avery and the Rangers. ;)
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